You’ve likely experienced a moment when someone says the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time. It can be weird and awkward and ultimately costly for the other person. We all can benefit from being better communicators at work and in life in general. Today we’ll look at the big moments, and the small, and help you think through the three types of conversations that will ultimately make you a better communicator, and one that not only avoids those awkward moments, but thrives in building connection and getting their message across.
Don’t miss the moment
Too often, leaders think the big-impact moments are the all-hands meetings or client pitches. However, what influences others the most is “micro-moments,” those conversations that sit in the smaller moments and take just a few minutes. These smaller conversations are the building blocks, or destroyers, of trust.
Micro-moments tend to be hidden inside the marquee moments. Think about an interview or meeting a person for the first time. That first 5-minute impression is going to make all the difference, even more so than the rest of the purpose of the meeting. In sales, it may not be the entire sales pitch, but the curiosity in the first question you ask. In personal connections, it may be slowing down to listen and empathize with the other person.
The three types of conversations to master
I don’t know anyone who would say, “I want to be worse at communication.” It’s an area that we never quite arrive in; instead, we keep honing our craft and polishing our approach as we shoot for the impossible goal of being perfect. Here are three types of conversations that, when focused on, will help you elevate your communication game.
Personal
These are the relationship-nourishing chats, from check-ins to reconnections, and even those tough life-building, vulnerable discussions. In the workplace, the personal can often be left out in favor of getting through a work topic or a list of updates.
- From shallow to deep: One of the secrets to a great personal connection is a thoughtful follow-up question. When a person shares something, do you acknowledge it and move on to the next thing, or do you take it a step deeper by seeking to learn more? You are accomplishing several things here: You are showing the other person that you are interested in them. You are building a deeper level of trust and rapport, and you are showing an elevated level of EQ as you prioritize the other person above yourself.
- What part is the personal playing in your work discussions?: Are you intentional in including a bit of personal connection in your meetings and one-on-one times? With meetings galore and a list of things to cover in a short amount of time, it can be easy to skip over. For one-on-ones, it’s a great way to start out the conversation. It shows you care and are interested in the person above the work, and ensures that you are always making that connection. For group discussions, focus on the types of questions that you are asking the group. “Did anyone do anything fun this weekend?” may not get much of a response back, but a focused twist on the question, “What was your favorite part of your weekend?” brings out more opportunity for people to share.
Leadership
Stepping up in leadership is one of the topics that we consistently return to at Passing the Baton. These conversations include giving feedback, aligning vision, or repairing trust. With fewer natural in-person run-ins, these must be created with purpose.
- Go in with a plan: No matter your level of comfortability with improvisation when speaking to others, always plan through the key points that you want to share when having a difficult conversation with others. Here is a real way that a tough conversation can go if you head into the interaction with the “I’m just going to wing it” mentality.
-You begin the conversation, it meanders a bit, and you miss one of the key points of the conversation.
-The person responds in a way that you hadn’t considered, and you improvise some more. This takes you further off course.
-The other person reacts to the change in direction.
-Now you react again to the other person, further taking you off-topic.
-Rinse and repeat the back and forth.
-By the end, you are both at your wits’ end. You’ve only further eroded the relationship and can’t realistically expect any kind of behavior change from the person, because they haven’t accepted the feedback that you wanted to give.
Not ideal! You’ve likely seen that conversation play out several different ways in both your personal and professional life. You don’t necessarily have to have a script for every conversation, but you should always have a plan:
-What are the key points that you want to get across?
-What is the reason for the meeting?
-What time frame do they need to correct the behavior or action?
-What is the best place or environment to have the conversation?
-What are some ways that they may react? Are you mentally prepared for those reactions? - Resources to support difficult conversations and coaching
- The power of thank you – Show 203
- When do you start performance management? – Show 293
- Listen even when it’s difficult – Show 303
- Addressing underperformance the right way – Show 371
- How check-ins keep people around longer – Show 387
- Embrace differences in those that you develop – Show 397
- How to handle dissent on your team – Show 414
Professional
These conversations include those high-stakes business moments like sales, negotiations, collaborations, and executive meetings. These moments will make or break progress in a big way.
- Prepare, prepare, prepare: There are a lot of things going on in these important moments. Who are the people in the room? What is the focus? What is the niche thing a person always asks about in the room? How knowledgeable are they on the subject matter? Lots of X factors at play at once! Think through your presentation, anticipate the questions that the audience will ask, and remember that how you physically present yourself matters as well. Rehearse so well that you can go off-script. It’s not about being rigid, but about caring enough to bring your best self to the moment.
- Know your audience: Everything about my presentations changes depending on the audience. I may present to one executive in a plan colored t-shirt and have a more conversational approach with high-level information because that’s their style and what they prefer. For another, it’s always a minimum of collared shirts, and I come armed with loads of data and backup slides to give us the ability to flex into deep dives around a particular topic. My team can often guess who I have meetings with based on what I’m wearing that day. Take time to learn what is important to your leader or client and use your observation skills to see the unspoken context of what expectations may be.
Each of these conversations requires different energy, timing, and tone. The common thread you should consider for all three types: Prepare yourself and others, and come into each with the intent of adding value even in those small moments.
Put it into action
Pick one of each: a personal, a leadership, and a professional conversation you know you need to have. Now ask yourself:
- What will be the real moment inside that moment?
- How can I prepare the other person to be open to the moment?
- What question, or tone, will set us up to succeed?
When it comes to engaging in an important conversation, don’t miss the small moments in an attempt to win the big ones. Winning might not mean changing your message; it may just come down to changing those micro-moments that matter.
Make a better tomorrow.
-ZH
