Ever feel like your workday never really ends because of late-night emails or weekend messages? Welcome to the always-on culture that is quietly eroding your (and the team’s) well-being.
Researchers dove into the topic in a study of 315 full-time U.S. employees, published in the Journal of Communication Management. Their findings were exactly what you can imagine here: Just the expectation of being reachable off-hours is enough to cause stress, burnout, and tension at home, even if employees don’t actually respond. Always-on work culture might look productive on the surface, but it comes at a high cost: employee burnout, strained relationships, and lower engagement.
Quality of time and why it matters
The American Psychological Association conducted a survey over a decade ago and found that more than half of American employees were already checking work messages at least once over the weekend. It’s a long-standing problem that has only gotten worse as new technology offers new opportunities to creep into our personal time.
All the leave, paid time off, or vacation days don’t mean a thing if an employee doesn’t feel like they truly have the time off. They may be physically away, but mentally and emotionally, they are still tied to their work. Forward-thinking companies are now thinking about paid time away, and even personal time during the week, differently. They are not just focusing on the time, but more importantly, the quality of that time. How is the quality of time off in your workplace?
Do you get after-hours instant messages, emails, texts, or calls? How many on average?
How many times did those messages disrupt your time?
How many did you respond back to?
How many times do you hear from someone when they were supposed to be enjoying time off?
Did you ever see a person at a meeting when they were supposed to be off? Was the meeting one that warranted the behavior, or could they have missed it?
These self-assessment questions are a great starting point to understand where the problem is and how severe it may be.
Lead through the opportunity
There is good news when it comes to an always-on culture. You have a high amount of influence on fixing the problem. This doesn’t mean that you start a rule today of absolutely no after-hours messages, or putting the rest of the team at risk when a serious matter comes up unexpectedly. It means being intentional and clear about expectations, so your team can breathe, recharge, and maintain a strong level of well-being.
Some tips to consider as you begin to set the right tone with your team:
Set the tone with boundaries: As a leader, your team takes cues from you. Communicate what those boundaries are and avoid sending non-urgent messages after hours. Schedule emails to go out during work hours or keep them in your draft folder instead. One of the first things that I cover with a new associate is the expectation in this area. My rules for the team are:
It’s ok to work after hours, but save any communication in your drafts or schedule them to send.
Be mindful and considerate of people in other time zones.
It’s ok to communicate with someone in off-hours, but make sure that it’s something that warrants the reach out and a topic that can’t wait until the next business day.
“What about a co-worker who is a fellow night owl?” is a question I get sometimes. If that’s the case and both are ok with it, I’ll typically let them do their thing. I also check in to ensure that they aren’t overusing that time and that they are taking care of their time in other ways. Simple guidelines reduce ambiguity and guilt.
Make it safe to unplug: Let your team know they’re not expected to be “on” 24/7. Build that expectation with your team as well, because you won’t be truly effective in this change if you aren’t reaching out in off-hours, but the team is constantly peppering each other with questions and asks while a person is out. You’ll find it helpful to understand what types of questions the team is reaching out for and then do some additional training or knowledge transfer to better equip the rest of the team.
Check in on your team agreement: Boundaries are never a set-it-and-forget-it item. You need to check in periodically to ensure things are still in a healthy place. Have a quick discussion about communication expectations from time to time. Are we doing ok internally in our own team? Is the team getting pulled in after hours from a particular group or person? Having this knowledge helps you understand with whom you need to have a follow-up discussion.
What about other groups that you can’t directly influence?
You may work in a larger organization where you can influence a respectable number of people or teams, but you can’t fix it for the whole organization. Don’t lose hope here! You can still make a meaningful difference in those that you lead. I’m going to give some proactive advice here for those that you can’t influence and still send after-hours messages that are of low importance and of little consequence.
Don’t respond until the next business day. This one can be really tough! You may feel a sense of obligation, or you just want to get the email out of your inbox as quickly as possible so you don’t have to deal with it later. When someone sends you an email late into the night and you send a quick response, do you know what you just told the other person? “It’s ok to send me something late, and I’ll still get back to you.” You’ve now set a precedent and given the person the go-ahead to continue in their bad behavior.
Have an honest conversation with the person. If you have the rapport and trust with the other person, have an open and honest conversation about their behavior and the impact that it is having on those with whom they interact with. More than likely, they are damaging other relationships, and they may not even realize it. Although it may be a difficult and awkward conversation, it’s one worth having for the betterment of the other person.
Respecting personal time isn’t just a perk—it’s a leadership responsibility. If you want people to bring their best selves to work, you have to give them space to not work and the freedom to rest and recharge.
You’ve likely experienced a moment when someone says the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time. It can be weird and awkward and ultimately costly for the other person. We all can benefit from being better communicators at work and in life in general. Today we’ll look at the big moments, and the small, and help you think through the three types of conversations that will ultimately make you a better communicator, and one that not only avoids those awkward moments, but thrives in building connection and getting their message across.
Don’t miss the moment
Too often, leaders think the big-impact moments are the all-hands meetings or client pitches. However, what influences others the most is “micro-moments,” those conversations that sit in the smaller moments and take just a few minutes. These smaller conversations are the building blocks, or destroyers, of trust.
Micro-moments tend to be hidden inside the marquee moments. Think about an interview or meeting a person for the first time. That first 5-minute impression is going to make all the difference, even more so than the rest of the purpose of the meeting. In sales, it may not be the entire sales pitch, but the curiosity in the first question you ask. In personal connections, it may be slowing down to listen and empathize with the other person.
The three types of conversations to master
I don’t know anyone who would say, “I want to be worse at communication.” It’s an area that we never quite arrive in; instead, we keep honing our craft and polishing our approach as we shoot for the impossible goal of being perfect. Here are three types of conversations that, when focused on, will help you elevate your communication game.
Personal
These are the relationship-nourishing chats, from check-ins to reconnections, and even those tough life-building, vulnerable discussions. In the workplace, the personal can often be left out in favor of getting through a work topic or a list of updates.
From shallow to deep: One of the secrets to a great personal connection is a thoughtful follow-up question. When a person shares something, do you acknowledge it and move on to the next thing, or do you take it a step deeper by seeking to learn more? You are accomplishing several things here: You are showing the other person that you are interested in them. You are building a deeper level of trust and rapport, and you are showing an elevated level of EQ as you prioritize the other person above yourself.
What part is the personal playing in your work discussions?: Are you intentional in including a bit of personal connection in your meetings and one-on-one times? With meetings galore and a list of things to cover in a short amount of time, it can be easy to skip over. For one-on-ones, it’s a great way to start out the conversation. It shows you care and are interested in the person above the work, and ensures that you are always making that connection. For group discussions, focus on the types of questions that you are asking the group. “Did anyone do anything fun this weekend?” may not get much of a response back, but a focused twist on the question, “What was your favorite part of your weekend?” brings out more opportunity for people to share.
Leadership
Stepping up in leadership is one of the topics that we consistently return to at Passing the Baton. These conversations include giving feedback, aligning vision, or repairing trust. With fewer natural in-person run-ins, these must be created with purpose.
Go in with a plan: No matter your level of comfortability with improvisation when speaking to others, always plan through the key points that you want to share when having a difficult conversation with others. Here is a real way that a tough conversation can go if you head into the interaction with the “I’m just going to wing it” mentality.
-You begin the conversation, it meanders a bit, and you miss one of the key points of the conversation. -The person responds in a way that you hadn’t considered, and you improvise some more. This takes you further off course. -The other person reacts to the change in direction. -Now you react again to the other person, further taking you off-topic. -Rinse and repeat the back and forth. -By the end, you are both at your wits’ end. You’ve only further eroded the relationship and can’t realistically expect any kind of behavior change from the person, because they haven’t accepted the feedback that you wanted to give.
Not ideal! You’ve likely seen that conversation play out several different ways in both your personal and professional life. You don’t necessarily have to have a script for every conversation, but you should always have a plan:
-What are the key points that you want to get across? -What is the reason for the meeting? -What time frame do they need to correct the behavior or action? -What is the best place or environment to have the conversation? -What are some ways that they may react? Are you mentally prepared for those reactions?
Resources to support difficult conversations and coaching
These conversations include those high-stakes business moments like sales, negotiations, collaborations, and executive meetings. These moments will make or break progress in a big way.
Prepare, prepare, prepare: There are a lot of things going on in these important moments. Who are the people in the room? What is the focus? What is the niche thing a person always asks about in the room? How knowledgeable are they on the subject matter? Lots of X factors at play at once! Think through your presentation, anticipate the questions that the audience will ask, and remember that how you physically present yourself matters as well. Rehearse so well that you can go off-script. It’s not about being rigid, but about caring enough to bring your best self to the moment.
Know your audience: Everything about my presentations changes depending on the audience. I may present to one executive in a plan colored t-shirt and have a more conversational approach with high-level information because that’s their style and what they prefer. For another, it’s always a minimum of collared shirts, and I come armed with loads of data and backup slides to give us the ability to flex into deep dives around a particular topic. My team can often guess who I have meetings with based on what I’m wearing that day. Take time to learn what is important to your leader or client and use your observation skills to see the unspoken context of what expectations may be.
Each of these conversations requires different energy, timing, and tone. The common thread you should consider for all three types: Prepare yourself and others, and come into each with the intent of adding value even in those small moments.
Put it into action
Pick one of each: a personal, a leadership, and a professional conversation you know you need to have. Now ask yourself:
What will be the real moment inside that moment?
How can I prepare the other person to be open to the moment?
What question, or tone, will set us up to succeed?
When it comes to engaging in an important conversation, don’t miss the small moments in an attempt to win the big ones. Winning might not mean changing your message; it may just come down to changing those micro-moments that matter.
Forgiveness is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and someone else. Neither you nor I are perfect. Your company will fail you. Your team will fail you. Those who are close to you outside of work will fail you. You are also going to fail all three of those groups as well.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting or excusing harmful behavior; it’s about releasing yourself and others from the grip of resentment. Holding onto bitterness erodes connection, trust, and peace. In leadership and life, forgiveness is an intentional act of strength that creates space for healing, growth, and restored relationships.
Forgiveness is hard work, especially when trust has been broken or the pain is fresh. You’re not weak for struggling with it; it just shows that you are human. When you choose to move toward forgiveness, even slowly, you open the door to healing and real peace.
Acknowledge the hurt
Forgiveness doesn’t start with pretending everything is okay—it starts with telling yourself the truth about what happened. The hurt, betrayal, or disappointment you experienced is valid. Naming and acknowledging those feelings doesn’t make you bitter; it makes you honest with yourself and the situation.
Before we can begin to forgive someone, we need to face the impact of what happened without guilt for having feelings. Many of us were taught to suppress pain or were told things like, “Just let it go,” or “Don’t make a big deal out of it.” But unspoken pain doesn’t disappear…. it just festers.
When you avoid naming the hurt, you also delay the healing. Forgiveness becomes hollow; something you say you’ve done, but deep down still feel stuck in. Real acknowledgment means sitting with what happened and letting yourself feel and understand. Some self-reflection questions that can help are:
What exactly hurt you? Was it betrayal, neglect, disrespect, or something else?
What did it cost you? Trust, time, confidence, relationship equity, peace?
What are you still carrying from that experience? What impact has this had on your thought process, mental space, or even physical behaviors?
The point here isn’t to wallow in self-pity, it’s to tell yourself the truth because you can’t release the burden and weight until you recognize it.
Separate the person from the behavior
This step is difficult, especially when someone’s actions feel personal or deeply damaging. But here’s a truth that’s helped many leaders I’ve worked with: People are not the sum of their mistakes (and neither are you). Even the people who hurt us are often hurting themselves, or acting from broken places we can’t see.
Forgiveness becomes possible when we stop defining someone entirely by what they did. That doesn’t mean what they did is okay. It means we’re choosing to see their humanity instead of only their failure.
A self-reflection question you may ask yourself is, “What story or history might explain why they acted this way?” The point of the question is not that you look for a reason to rationalize or excuse the behavior, but sometimes understanding can soften the resentment just enough to allow some grace for the other person.
Keep short accounts
I had a whole slew of issues with my father as an adult – betrayal, broken trust, fabrication of the truth, and lack of communication led to us not talking for a number of years. He missed the birth of both my children, and we would go for years without talking or seeing each other. At some point, I realized that forgiveness wasn’t just letting him off the hook for his actions, but holding on to those negative feelings was also holding me back. That self-revelation ultimately led to me calling my dad one day to simply say that I forgave him.
After that event, we began to talk a bit more, and when even got together a couple of times, where he got a chance to meet the kids. About a year later, he passed away very unexpectedly. Can I tell you how thankful I was that I didn’t have to carry that regret of not forgiving him and carrying a burden of guilt and anger the rest of my life?
The longer you hold onto offense, the heavier it gets. Practice the habit of checking in with yourself regularly. “What am I holding onto that I need to release?” Don’t let unspoken frustration turn into long-term disconnection. You never know what circumstances may change, where you are no longer afforded the opportunity to forgive the person.
Set boundaries without bitterness
One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it means letting someone right back into your life the same way. But forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. You can forgive someone and still decide that certain behaviors, access, or dynamics are no longer acceptable. That’s not punishment; that’s protection and what’s best for you. In the example with my father, I had internally forgiven him and then went on a new journey. “Now what do I do?” was a consistent thought that I pondered on during that time. Should I reach out? Should I just leave things the way that they are and rest in the fact that I no longer carry the weight of resentment like I had for years? Do we just act like nothing ever happened?
I ultimately settled on that while I would reach out, I wasn’t quite ready to jump right back into things. We talked for a few months before we actually met. We got together for lunch as my family was getting ready to move about 10 hours away from his home, and that would end up being the last time that I would see him alive. After our get-together, we agreed to talk about once a month on the phone. It felt good to talk and share about life again,
Setting boundaries can actually be a sign that you’re healing. You’re no longer driven by revenge or fear, but by wisdom and peace. In my case, the physical distance put a natural barrier there between us. That may not be your circumstance, but remember that it is ok to think through and pre-establish what those barriers may look like, from time, distance, types of interactions, and other areas.
Forgiveness isn’t weakness, it’s actually strength with direction. It’s leadership of your own heart. It’s choosing freedom over bitterness, not because the other person deserves it, but because you do.
If you’re struggling to forgive, take heart: You’re not out of place. You’re in process. Keep going, and you’ll find that the baton you’re passing, whether to your team, your family, or your future self, is lighter and stronger than before.
Every leader would love to have their team filled with high performers. Not only would it make the quality of work better; it would make the leader look great as well. We want to keep these people around, but studies show that leaders fall short when it comes to giving impactful feedback to their best people.
On average high-performers do get more feedback – one and half times as much as everyone else, but that feedback is often hollow and less actionable leaving the person feeling like they didn’t receive any true feedback at all. Today we’ll look at why our feedback doesn’t land well with high performers, what we should focus on, and why it matters.
Why your best are often overlooked
“I don’t really have anything for them to work on,” is a phrase that is often said in talent discussions about top performers. It’s understandable from a certain perspective. They perform well. They likely show up well in their work environments too. What’s to improve? The leader loves everything about the situation! it can be hard to think of how to make someone even better when there isn’t a glaring challenge for the person to overcome.
A response I usually give to help prompt a leader’s thought in those conversations will be something like, “Perhaps there aren’t any obvious gaps, but what are some items or areas where they could use a little polish to be even better?” or, “What knowledge, skills or experience would benefit the person as you think about their next step in their career?” Sometimes just a nudge or a little different perspective helps in thinking about their development differently.
Another area where top performers are overlooked is in year-end reviews. Studies show that for regular and underperforming associates, a leader will match the length and tenor of the associates’s self-assessment. This means if they write a short assessment about themselves then their leader will do the same. The same goes for long self-assessments. The exception here is the high performers. They typically write the longest self-assessments – it makes sense if you think about it; they are proud of their accomplishments and want to make sure they get credit for that work with their leader. The leader however will not match the length here. “Everything looks great! I don’t have much to add here.”
Even if you don’t match your high performers’ level of detail, be sure to put in some good effort; affirm their work, and give them some tips on how to elevate in the next year. it’s easy to overlook your
What to do differently
People quit their organizations when they’re not getting the support they need to grow and be successful. Focus on these things to make sure you are delivering feedback in a way that resonates with your high performers:
1. Make sure that your feedback is meaningful. Avoid general observations, “You did great on that project,” and instead root your comments and feedback in specific pieces of the work. “Great job on your presentation. You came across as very prepared and handled the executives’ questions nicely. Bringing in more data on the implementation costs will be helpful as you continue to share updates on the project.” You can also lean into questions and curiosity to dial in specific feedback. A conversation may look like this: “Did you hear a theme to the executives’ questions during your presentation?” “Hmmm….. they kept going back to the ROI projections and questioned how we got there and if there was confidence in how accurate it was. John didn’t have a lot of faith that it was accurate.” “I heard the same thing. How are you thinking about addressing those concerns?” “I can give more detail in the pre-read to help them understand the formula better and then offer to answer questions ahead of time by email.” “I like it. That sounds great. Take care of that one, and they will be even more open to hearing about the next steps in the project. You did a great job presenting today today. Dial in this detail on the next one and you’ll be at an even better place. Go ahead and send a follow-up as well to further answer some of their other questions in the meantime.”
It’s actionable feedback and it’s even better because the person was part of the discovery process.
2. Make it timely and relevant. Make sure your feedback is timely and as close to the action or activities as possible. In the example above, the feedback immediately after the event is helpful and appreciated. A week later, however, the feedback loses much of its value. The executives have likely moved on to the next thing and your high performer has missed a window to show up well in a timely follow-up with the group.
3. Be accurate and avoid exaggeration. This is important to keep this in mind not only when sharing feedback with the person but also when sharing about the person with others. Most people are not always or never anything. “They never miss a deadline.” If a leader defaults to overly positive personal feelings that they have about a person, they are more likely to put on blinders and share exaggerated feedback. This means the leader is not fully doing their job of being thoughtful and analytical about the specifics of a person’s activities or even the person themselves.
Why it all matters
Whether you are a low performer or a high performer, feedback is critical for everyone. Even if the feedback is meant to be affirming, studies show that they are 63% more likely to quit in the next year. people want to get better at their jobs – especially high performers who are often ambitious people who want promotions.
If a high performer gets a promotion but then never gets any particularly helpful feedback, they will likely struggle to find meaning in their work even if they don’t outwardly exhibit it. For them, the work may feel stagnant – the work is just work and not growth. If a promotion isn’t on the immediate horizon or has recently happened, then it becomes really hard for that person who is likely in high demand elsewhere to want to stay where they are.
The mismatched goal of retaining your best people and high performers with a lack of actionable, true, and timely feedback is a recipe for exactly what you don’t want – a reason for the person to leave. Make sure your feedback is delivered in a way that resonates with the person and gives them a chance to excel. They’ll be thankful for it and will continue to grow while sticking around longer and making a difference for others.
“Good morning……” “Oh, you can do better than that. GOOD MORNING!!!!”
The classic repeat of an introduction phrase to get a crowd going. It is almost expected from events on the stage where the speaker is trying to pump some energy into the crowd. It works great at scout camps and events, but does it drive sincere enthusiasm in the business world? Probably not. but it’s an easy way for the speaker to feel like there is.
If you’ve listened to the show, you know my most hated phrase is “It is what it is”. Today, we are going to look at a list of common phrases that are said around the business world and see if we can close the loop on some of these. (See what I did there!)
Jaron around Collaboration
Can we socialize this idea?
Ideation or ideate
Riff, riffing
War room
Virtual coffee
Collaborative environment
So why do we use corporate jargon anyway? It often serves as a communication device and indicator that you are in the “in” group. It also makes the person feel like they are doing a work action, something of value. On the flip side of these jargon-laced words is a sense of being excluded. Don’t know what riffing is, or have you never been a part of a riff session? Well, you aren’t a part of the “in” crowd. The phrases at best often equally include and exclude, and at worst fully exclude others.
Evaluate how you talk about and reference collaborations in your team and org to get an understanding of whom you may be excluding when your core intent is to be inclusive and collaborative.
Jargon around Communication
Run it up the flagpole
Touch base
Deep dive
People who just write “hi/hello” on teams and wait for a response
Out of pocket
Let me double-click on that statement
Let’s unpack that
Remember that your first goal is communication. Your second goal should be to avoid annoying and distracting others with unnecessary phrases. If your company likes to use a lot of jargon, please make sure everyone understands what you mean. People from different backgrounds and who don’t speak English as their first language may struggle more with jargon. In addition to the cultural barriers that may be created unknowingly, there is also the consideration of others that are coming in the team, some have no idea what your verbiage and phrases are either. If you would be comfortable in referring to a person to their face using your jargon (or a team for that matter), then perhaps it’s time to change some of the language you and others use.
Jargon around the Work Environment
We’re a family
Calling people “resources”
Huddle
When a meeting of the department is called a “town hall”‘
Fast-paced
Cross-functional thought partners
I’ve always encouraged leaders and organizations to be very intentional about how they refer to their employees. The word “employee” feels like just another piece in the corporate machine. The same goes for the term “resource” when it comes to people. What do you do with a resource? You use it, of course. Be mindful of how to refer to your workforce, even if the setting is behind closed doors or away from your frontline leaders.
Jargon around Action and Tasks
Ping me that document
To “action” something
Take a holistic approach
Circle back
We need all hands on deck
We need to impact this
Boil the ocean
Jagon on action typically entails a thought or desire for a positive action, but it doesn’t provide clarity or direction for the person that it’s being communicated to. For example, “Take a holistic approach”…..what or who would make it holistic? A better phrase would be to say something like, “Did you include a senior business leader and someone from sales to look at this proposal? or, “Be sure to include groups A, B, C, and D as stakeholders as you build this body of work out.”
As much as we poke fun at these statements, nearly all of us, including me, have used some of these phrases at least a little bit. Be mindful of the jargon that is ingrained in your regular communications with others, and consider how you may rephrase or provide more clarity in your thoughts and desires. Your team and peers will appreciate the clarity, and perhaps you’ll annoy people less along the way.
